REAL[ITY] CHECK - 4/11/2008

Screw reality shows... The Office is back!!!

But seriously, here's what happened this week:

• Daisy, from the Rock of Love, proved how out of her life her ex-boyfriend is by having his sister show up to represent Daisy's family.
• Tree got extra queeny at her objection speech on Flavor of Love.
• Lots to talk about on The Real Housewives of New York City. Bethenny and Jill plan a dinner party and invite Alex saying, "It's a girls' party, it's a girls' night". Alex responds, "Could I bring Simon?". Simon is her gayer than gay husband. Ramona dancing is reminiscent of Elaine Benes from Seinfeld. Luann puts Bethenny in her place when Bethenny wrongly introduces Luann to Bethenny's boyfriend's driver as "Luann", not "Mrs. De Lesseps".
• Rocky, from I Know My Kid's a Star, throws a tantrum in the confessional and says she's going to kill someone while gesturing wildly with a hanger in her hand. I don't think that's what is meant when they use the term "hanged".
• Only a Matter of Time: before all of the scripted shows are back and these updates get shorter and shorter...

REAL[ITY] CHECK - 4/4/2008

I know I didn't post last week, and I really have no good excuse, except that I'm lazy and I've been busy working on my pudge. Besides that, there wasn't a whole lot going on in reality TV last week. The one thing I feel is worth mentioning from last week was:

• The week before last on Flavor of Love, Flav kept Shy around on the condition that she go to the dentist for her kickin' breath. Shy dutifully went to the dentist and found out that she needed extensive dental work and that she would have dentures by the time she was 40 if she continued with her current habits. What was her response to this? Did she schedule a deep cleaning? Ask Flav for the money to get all of this fixed? No. She made a necklace out of mint lifesavers.

So here's this week:

• On Rock of Love, Bret found out this week that, in addition to currently living with her ex-boyfriend in a one bedroom apartment and having an abortion after getting pregnant by him, that Daisy used to hang out with Bret's bandmate from Poison, C. C. Deville. As if this isn't enough, she goes into hysterics at the elimination ceremony. He should just get back with Heather and be done with it.
• The Hills is back. Yawn.
• Holly won Make Me a Supermodel. She should use her $100,000 prize to buy a voice people can understand.
• Step It Up and Dance premiered this week with Elizabeth Berkley (!!!) hosting. Christian from Project Runway has some stiff competition in the fierce department from James, one of the contenders for Best Step It Up and Dancer (?).
• Only a Matter of Time: This week on Keeping Up With the Kardashians, the sisters have an enlightening conversation with their 10 year old half sister about becoming a woman. Sister Kim is nowhere to be found. It's only a matter of time before another sex tape "leaks" to the media to regain her place in the "I'm Famous For No Reason" spotlight.
  

REAL[ITY] CHECK - 3/22/2008

It's been a rough week for me, and some of the reality stars have been feeling my pain:

• The new season of The Bachelor premiered on Monday. This season, the token drunk girl was Stacy, a grad student who got trashed and as a drunken token of her affection decided to not-so-subtly slip her panties into the Bachelor's pants. Another Bachelorette decided to impress the Bachelor by chomping into a beer can with her bare teeth, biting off a piece and giving it to him and saying, "just a little something to remember me by".
• On Make Me a Supermodel, Perry practices and perfects the art of "the tuck". I'll let you come to your own conclusions about what that means.
  
• At the elimination ceremony, Brett leaves it up to Kristie Joe to stay in the house or leave. After everything she has put the entire cast of Rock of Love through, she decides, of her own accord to leave and "take care of things at home". Brett is heartbroken. Inexplicably.
• On the Gauntlet III finale, Eric "Easy" is unable to finish the race and has to be taken to the hospital. The rookies, after losing nearly every challenge, win by default since you must finish the race with all of your team members.
• Only a Matter of Time: For those of you who haven't watched Pop Fiction, I recommend it. Celebs get back at the pap (paparazzi, for those not in the know) by portraying things about themselves that are not true for the pap to spread around. I have a feeling this week is going to be Halle Berry and her brand new daughter "Nahla Ariella". That can't possibly be her real name, right?

REAL[ITY] CHECK - 3/14/2008

My life feels somewhat empty again, now that this season of Project Runway is over. Here's what's still keeping me going:

• This week's Supernanny was touted as having one of the longest tantrums in the show's history. My legs have never been more firmly closed shut.
• Dustin Diamond made a triumphant return to this season's Celebrity Fit Club, seeking his third 15 minutes of fame.
• Kim, of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, insists she is entitled to the most expensive suite in a Miami hotel, despite the fact that it had been booked for months. I didn't realize people famous for having sex tapes with minor celebrities were entitled to most expensive suites that have been booked for months. Later in the show she catches her little sisters poking fun at her diva ways.
• In other news, Kim Kardashian's little sisters are awesome.
• Jessica Sierra couldn't make it back to the Celebrity Rehab reunion due to prior commitments.
• Only a Matter of Time: Dustin Diamond will somehow weasel his way into his own reality show on VH1 for his fourth 15 minutes.

REAL[ITY] CHECK - 3/7/2008

Holy crap it's been a busy week in reality TV. There's so much to cover:

• Daisy, from the Rock of Love, didn't get the words of the National Anthem right... even with the lyrics in front of her face. In other not-the-sharpest-tool-in-the-shed news, Megan learned new words like "posterity" when learning the Preamble to the Constitution. Is it just me or is it a distinct possibility that she hasn't realized yet that she's on Rock of Love now, not Beauty and the Geek anymore? Brett also claimed at the elimination ceremony to be emotionally and physically drained for the second week in a row. Syphilis will do that to a person. A much more exhaustive recap here (Story).
  
• Scott Baio found his friend Johnny D. at a strip club at 11 a.m. that advertised their "Lunch and Lap Dance" special for $5.99 on Scott Baio is 46 and Pregnant. Lunch AND a lap dance for $5.99... seriously?? Can you blame him??
• I happened to stumble on The Greatest Reality Show of All Time, My Big Redneck Wedding, hosted by Tom Arnold (Awesome.). Even better: it was a marathon. Featured on the marathon included but are not limited to the following: a demolition derby wedding, complete with a pink camo car, a groom dressed in his best camo, and mother son mud wrestling.
• On the Project Runway finale, Christian failed to keep his promise of not saying "fierce" for the rest of the season, a not-shocking-at-all FIVE times.
• I can't believe I almost forgot to include the events of this week's Millionaire Matchmaker. Two successful men were set up with nice, classy girls. And by nice, classy girls I mean girls that participate in varying degrees of the adult industry (Story).
  
• Supposedly Perry (from Make Me A Supermodel)'s girlfriend was the mystery woman Adnan Ghalib is "cheating" on Britney Spears with.
  
• Only a Matter of Time: Speaking of Britney, in an interview with Project Runway, Christian says that he wants to have a reality show where he offers fashion and styling tips to Britney (Story). Did I call it or what?

REAL[ITY] CHECK - 2/29/2008

My obsession with reality shows has reached new heights. This week I got my hair cut to look like Lauren from The Hills. Here's what I caught when I wasn't trying to look like a similebrity:

• On the Flavor of Love, Flavor Flav took his date to the classiest place he could think of: Tony Romas. Nothing says romance like ribs and wet naps.
• In the showdown between Rami Kashou and Chris March for the final spot to show at fashion week on the finale of Project Runway, Chris showed a collection that featured human hair as an accent. Unbeweaveable.
• Everybody's still losing their sh*t on Celebrity Rehab. From what I hear, some managed to get it all out while in rehab, others, not so much (Story).
• The mother that appeared on this week's Supernanny was the first in the show's history to leave the table at the lesson Jo Jo, the supernanny, was trying to teach her and refused to come back. She was promptly put in her place.
• On America's Next Top Model, one of the girls confesses in panel that she's not really into fashion at all, and doesn't get it and would like to be eliminated. Needless to say, her wish was granted. But seriously, wouldn't you know that before you were in the house, wasting everybody's time?
• Only a Matter of Time: It's only a matter of time before I become so obsessed with reality shows that I start taking steps to look like reality stars. Oh wait...

REAL[ITY] CHECK - 2/15/2008

There was TONS of good stuff this week, so let's get to it.

• On Snoop Dogg's Father Hood Snoop's kids learned very important life lessons from Snoop's cousin, Joe Cool, "Never smoke a pipe. Never touch another man. Never suck another man's dick. Never suck your own dick."
• This week I caught a little known show called Jail, where people are shown being booked and held in jails across the country. I tuned in because the preview billed this particular episode as the OJ Simpson episode. I will tune in next week because one of the staff members says to one inmate, "You're here more than I am, you know the rules".
• One of the husbands on Wife Swap claims to be proud of the fact that he has brainwashed his children, because, according to him, brainwashing entails being washed as a part of God's love. The man should be "washed" of his parental rights.
• Flavor of Love is back for a third season. Doctors in the LA area will soon start to see the return of Flavorrhea.
  
• On the last real episode of Project Runway before the finale, the most shocking thing was not that both Chris and Rami are going to be completing collections and competing for the third spot at Fashion Week, it was the peek of garter I saw under Gillian's dress when she jumped up and down after getting a spot in the final three.
  
• Only a matter of time: At the elimination ceremony on Rock of Love, Aubry decided to sacrifice herself to save Kristi Joe's place in the house. Moments after her dramatic exit from the house, we find out, he was getting rid of her anyway. Once Kristie Joe gets inevitably kicked off, I'll put money on them getting their own show together. That kind of love doesn't come along very often.
  

REAL[ITY] CHECK - 1/25/2008

So I'm a complete reality show junkie, so each week I'll be summing up what I believe to be the most outstanding/craziest/rock-bottom moments in reality shows for the week and posting them on my friend's blog The Media Artist. For now, I'll also be posting them here.

So here they are:

• This week on Project Runway, their challenge was to "create an iconic look that captures the spirit of the 501 legacy (I wonder how long they agonized over this sentence before finalizing it)". Here's my beef: Rami made a skirt and top out of dark denim with zippers as accent seams (See right). The judges fawned over how "innovative" the zippers as seams were. They would have been innovative if Jeffrey, the winner of last season hadn't done the same thing, only better:

• The best part of the premiere of The Millionaire Matchmaker came during the never-before-seen-footage of The Real Housewives of Orange County during a commercial break, in which Vicki, one of the housewives, says that her doctor had run a test on her and it came back that she had as much testosterone as the average man. If you've ever watched the show, you won't be surprised to learn this.
• On the premiere of The Gauntlet III, CT says that he is going to "make it a point to lay a little lower". He accomplishes this by getting in the face of quite possibly the most notorious contestant in Challenge history, Coral, and causing problems in his relationship... all in the first night. And apparently Crazypants Brooke is a lesbian now? Crazy. Pants.
  
• And on Make Me A Supermodel, it's business as usual: All S&M, All the Time.
• This remix of Tanisha from The Bad Girls' Club's freak out is better than half of the stuff on the radio (See here).
  
• Only a Matter of Time: A dating show called The Drew Peterson Dating Game was pitched to an Illinois radio station by the lawyer of the police sergeant suspected of killing his wife, and who is also being investigated for his previous wife's suspicious death (Story). The radio station didn't bite, but I know there's some sleazeball exec pushing hardcore for this to be the new show in VH1's dating show lineup. 25 to Life of Love anyone?