Saturday, January 26, 2008


Paris's name is bigger than the movie's name. Inexplicable. I have no words.

Grabbing the bull by the, ahem... horns

The cool kids over at NOTCOT found this anatomic bull:

But I prefer the VERY anatomically correct bull (maybe a little too anatomically correct) I spotted on my road trip a few months ago in rural Georgia:

Friday, January 25, 2008

REAL[ITY] CHECK - 1/25/2008

So I'm a complete reality show junkie, so each week I'll be summing up what I believe to be the most outstanding/craziest/rock-bottom moments in reality shows for the week and posting them on my friend's blog The Media Artist. For now, I'll also be posting them here.

So here they are:

  • This week on Project Runway, their challenge was to "create an iconic look that captures the spirit of the 501 legacy (I wonder how long they agonized over this sentence before finalizing it)". Here's my beef: Rami made a skirt and top out of dark denim with zippers as accent seams (See right). The judges fawned over how "innovative" the zippers as seams were. They would have been innovative if Jeffrey, the winner of last season hadn't done the same thing, only better:

  • The best part of the premiere of The Millionaire Matchmaker came during the never-before-seen-footage of The Real Housewives of Orange County during a commercial break, in which Vicki, one of the housewives, says that her doctor had run a test on her and it came back that she had as much testosterone as the average man. If you've ever watched the show, you won't be surprised to learn this.
  • On the premiere of The Gauntlet III, CT says that he is going to "make it a point to lay a little lower". He accomplishes this by getting in the face of quite possibly the most notorious contestant in Challenge history, Coral, and causing problems in his relationship... all in the first night. And apparently Crazypants Brooke is a lesbian now? Crazy. Pants.
  • And on Make Me A Supermodel, it's business as usual: All S&M, All the Time.
  • This remix of Tanisha from The Bad Girls' Club's freak out is better than half of the stuff on the radio (See here).
  • Only a Matter of Time: A dating show called The Drew Peterson Dating Game was pitched to an Illinois radio station by the lawyer of the police sergeant suspected of killing his wife, and who is also being investigated for his previous wife's suspicious death (Story). The radio station didn't bite, but I know there's some sleazeball exec pushing hardcore for this to be the new show in VH1's dating show lineup. 25 to Life of Love anyone?

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Who wants poultry?

Forget the trite at best headline, the pizza looks like a meal lovingly prepared by a mama bird for her chick, i.e. chewed and swallowed then regurgitated for the baby bird to consume.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

A message to friends, family, celebrities and sea monkeys

Quit with the dying please.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Pain/Pleasure Receptors

If someone is obese, do they feel pain (or pleasure for that matter) less intensely than someone who is skinny? Are the nerve endings that receive the pain or pleasure signals forced to spread out over a wider area so that there are less per square inch in obese people than in skinny people, or do obese people develop more nerve endings to compensate?

Has there ever been a study done on this?

Packers Fever

In honor of my family of Packers fans being in town and the playoff game today, I've decided to share some of the more interesting stories I've heard this week:

  • A guy selling his house hasn't gotten any bites so, in order to sweeten the pot, he's throwing in a pair of 2008 season tickets on the 40-yard-line (Story). Since there are 57,000 names on the wait list to get tickets, I'm guessing the house is going to go quick (Story).
  • The Fox affiliate in Green Bay is pulling the Saturday afternoon airing of Seinfeld because the Giants quarterback, Eli Manning, likes to watch the show before he plays. Awesome. (Story).
  • A 7-year-old refused to wear his Green Bay Packers jersey at one of the games, so his dad taped it to him and tied him to a chair. The Packers went on to win the game (Story).
  • A man from Australia quit his job, picked up everything and moved his family to Green Bay to follow the 2007 season (Story).
  • And finally, the Lord's Prayer has been adapted (and improved) for Packers fans (Story):
Our Favre,
Who art in Lambeau,
Hallowed be thine arm.
Thy bowl will come,
It will be won.
In Phoenix as it is in Lambeau.
And give us this Sunday,
Our weekly win.
And give us many touchdown passes.
But do not let others pass against us.
Lead us not into frustration,
But deliver us to the valley of the sun.
For thine is the MVP, the best of the NFC, and the glory of the Cheeseheads, now and forever.
Go get 'em. AMEN!

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Beautiful Men

There's a study that came out a while ago that seemed to state the obvious: men are more attracted to the most beautiful women. What the study found that isn't obvious is that women are attracted to the men they feel are within their grasp, i.e. men that are relatively close to their own perceived attractiveness.

I have no better evidence of the latter point than my evening a few Saturdays ago. I went to a bar with a friend of mine and spotted some eye candy as soon as I walked in. We got there pretty early and drinks were still a dollar. We got our drinks, found a table, sat back and enjoyed the show the guy I had spotted, and another guy my friend took a liking to, were putting on. They were up on the bar dancing… in tiny little briefs.

Did I forget to mention they were go-go dancers, the friend I was with was male, and we were at a gay club?

We stayed at our table for a while; drinking, and, for the most part, debated whether my boy played for my team or his. My friend dared me to go up to the bar and tip him, but I’m shy and I don’t approach guys, even if they are on a bar in a bikini, or maybe especially if they're on a bar in a bikini.

Another drink… still too shy.
A third drink…still too shy.

After my first full-price drink (ouch!), I became a little more open to suggestion. Even in my vodka and cranberry-fueled haze I could see that girls were throwing themselves at him IN A GAY BAR, and only in my vodka and cranberry-fueled haze was I one of the girls doing the throwing.

I gave him his tip and, though my recollection of the exchange is vague at best, it became clear that he does, in fact, play for my team. I believe I told him where I work three or four times, and aside from that, was not able to piece together a full thought. He asked for my phone number and I gave him what I believed to be my phone number at the time.

It turned out my phone number at the time was a combination of the first three digits of my mother’s phone number and the last four of my cell phone. My friend was nice enough to fix it.

I have to admit, I’m surprised he called.

Let me make this clear, this guy was way out of my league.

Even more surprising was that he called three times.

What was not surprising was that the messages he left were like scripts, identical down to the way he introduced himself, and the way he repeated his number twice in a row.

I haven’t returned any of his calls.

Why? Because the study was absolutely right in their findings. Women want someone that is a close match to themselves, not a guy who is good looking and knows it and is only looking to add to his revolving door of girls.

UPDATE: Alright, so I wrote this a few months ago and I've had some time to think about it. The truth is, I had just stopped seeing someone and wasn't really ready to start dating again. But now I am. So bring on the go-go dancers!

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

RIP Martin C. Monkey

MARTIN “BIG” C. MONKEY, 6 months, died January 15, 2008, at his home of natural causes. Born on the 9th Floor of a large corporation, he was the longest living sea monkey birthed July 12th 2007. For over six months he provided endless entertainment to the employees of the Marketing department. He enjoyed eating, frolicking, and swimming into walls. Preceded in death by his peers, Snake, Clifford, the Sween, and Special. The lone sea monkey for months, Big miraculously blessed us with new baby sea monkeys before he passed. He is survived by his miracle babies and is further survived by dear friends, Jenny, Heather, Sarah, Jim, Clay and Mary. Memorial Service at 2 p.m., Friday, January 18, 2008, 9th Floor. Interment will be a private service, 11 a.m. Friday, January 18, 2008, 9th Floor. Memorial contributions may be made by contacting me or to a ministry of the donor' s choice. Marketing Department Funeral Chapel